One Looney Idea - Day Sixteen

Two Years Old!

The Cost of Quality

I imagine it must have been hard for Dick and Deb Northcott, founders of Canadian Humanitarian, to lay their vision over a complicated set of unknowns in Ethiopia. However, in this case, goodness attracted amazing people. CH “believes in local solutions to local struggles. This [led them] to partner with local individuals and organizations overseas, [… whereby, they] provided tools to community members enabling them to get themselves out of poverty.” It is not just the work that is sustainable, it is the relationships. Many individuals have been with Canadian Humanitarian since its inception. It is with intention and integrity that Canadian Humanitarian cultivates relationships through their work. I am pulled toward this idea of intention, and purposeful action.  

Deb and Dick with Forefathers at Sheshemene

$349 Loonies left.

During my second week of One Looney Idea I paused to think about the people I live with, particularly my kids. 

Not everyone in my family likes my ideas. Take for example the time I signed the kids up for flyers. In my altered fantasy world—the place where I imagine how my ideas will pan out—it seemed like a really good one. The kids would get fresh air, and learn financial responsibility. Moreover, the confidence they would surely feel, knowing they could “make it” on their own, would propel them in new and exciting directions.  

You can catch up on how that experience went on my Mumfullness blog: Flyer Fool - Flyer Fanatic - Karaoke Flyers

Relationships...cost…add value…change.

Several years ago I read, “The Five Love Languages”, by Gary Chapman. It answers the question: What makes you feel loved? Chapman says there are five predominant “Love Languages”: 

Words of Affirmation: This language uses words to affirm other people.

Acts of Service: For these people, actions speak louder than words. 

Receiving Gifts: For some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift. 

Quality Time: This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention.

Physical Touch: To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch. 

How can I fulfill my goal in One Looney Idea while attending to my key relationships? One way is to understand my kids love languages, and then—be creative, flexible, and intentional.

My girls share the love language of: receiving gifts. They differ in where the gift comes from: either home-made or store-bought. Gift-giving is varied, and according to Chapman it’s not about materialism. He says, “the receiver of the gift thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift.” I’m not sure I wholly buy that.

Let’s take Laurèn. Right now, many of my gifts are delivered as items of food. She is a somewhat picky eater, and I take effort to make (healthy) meals, shakes, cookies, muffins, protein bars and granola bars that she will eat. I think she accepts these offerings as the gifts I intend them to be. It costs me time, and occasional anxiety. Moreover, her other top love language is Quality time, which is also one of my top two!

Faven is complicated. I am not completely sure that she has unpacked; when someone is adopted at an older age, they don’t entirely reveal themselves. Especially if, like Faven, there are trust issues. My confidence grasping Faven’s love language is less than with my other two children. Therefore, it requires more guessing, and scrambling on my part. I do know that she loves to receive gifts, stop for specialty coffee, and go out for meals. She takes it as a personal affront when I come home with items for anyone else in the house—even if it is underwear. When she does receive a gift, it is hard to tell if she “thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift”, if it gives her a sense of belonging, or if she feels entitled to it. 

According to one of my writing HEROES, Brené Brown, every human is wired for love and belonging, however, “because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” (Daring Greatly) 

Our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance. 

I am caught between a rock and a hard place. The temptation to buy love through gift giving, is high. But, my gut feeling tells me it is not a sustainable way to create connection.

There are times when I need to creatively connect with one of my kids. I have many tools in my parenting toolbox, but sometimes, with Faven, I can’t pound, scrape, or saw into the wall she has erected to protect herself. It is those times when I need to disarm her with kindness, and that may involve more than one loonie.

Having said that, I am going to create habits that are sustainable long past this 365 days. Heck, I already have a ton! Moreover, if I do end up spending more than an average of a loonie a day, I am going to be purposeful about my actions. 

You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.      -Epicurus

Wendy with Getachew and Kirabel in 2013, who she met in 2006!

Ketema and Dan, October 2013

Suzanne, Vern and Tara, October 2013

Getu, Kevin, Tara, and Lauren, October 2013

Julie, Keith, Yohannes and David, October 2013 

Up front: David, Dick, Harold, Lauren, Faven and Larissa with a gathering, October 2013

One Looney Idea - Day Nine

One year old, and living large!

Unnecessary Necessity

I have hit my first obstacle. I ran out of eye make-up remover. 

I’m serious.

It’s been an eye-opening experience, which triggered a chorus of complaints from the nearly empty and often ignored facial products perching on the glass shelf and tucked neatly into drawers in my bathroom. 

When had I developed an appetite for artificial, drugstore artillery? 

Why had I given into media’s campaign for real beauty? I barely wear make-up. But, real beauty isn’t about make-up, is it? It’s about day and nighttime lotions, eye creams, pigment lighteners, lip firmers and plumpers, eyelash expanders, and…you get the idea. 

I’m going to move on, with make-up caked on my eyes—but hey, if it was good enough for Phyllis Diller, it’s good enough for me!

...

Yohannes and I were on our way to soccer practice this week when the fuel light turned on. We stopped to fill up, and just before giving me access to the pump, the robot in charge of gas dispensing (and apparently marketing) delivered the following message: Would you like to add a car wash? Bronze $7.99, Silver $9.99, or Gold $12.99?

Would I? Have you seen my car…?

Ohh…shit…no…actually…I can’t. 

I have become a sucker for a “good deal”, especially one that makes my life easier.  There are times—Oh So Many Times—when it feels like I deserve this extra help, at the extra cost. 

As I bypassed the car wash option and began to fill up, I noticed a receipt fluttering in the breeze. I tore it from the machine, and IMMEDIATELY checked the bottom to see if it had a car wash code. It did! I came to the natural conclusion that this was divine intervention. (I’m not kidding.) I put the receipt into my pocket and said a prayer of thanks. About halfway through the fill up, I heard the staccato click-click-click of high heels coming across the asphalt. A woman, about my age, appeared in front of me. She was out of breath, as she had just run from the car wash line-up. 

“Did you see a receipt here?” She asked me.

My mouth opened and closed as I nodded slowly, trying to figure out how to get the folded receipt out of my pocket without her noticing. Realizing I had been busted, I reached into my pocket and handed it to her. 

To my horror, Yohannes watched the whole thing. When I got into the car, he had already put it all together. “Mom, why did you take that woman’s receipt?” 

I told him the absolute truth, “I didn’t want it to blow away and create litter; I am going to recycle it.” 

“But, did it have a car wash code on it?” 

“Yes,” I sheepishly admitted.  

“I thought so.” 

Does anyone know how many loonies I will need to save to go to the coin-op car wash?

A sparkling good deal!

...

Children in the Canadian Humanitarian (CH) programs come to the education and support centres daily, during the week, for access to a meal, tutoring, social workers, and clubs; but they also come on Saturdays to shower, braid each other’s hair, and do their laundry.

I am impressed with Canadian Humanitarian's dedication to assist disadvantaged children, their families and communities break free from the cycle of poverty. You might wonder what that looks like, or how it is possible. When we were in Ethiopia, Deborah Northcott gave a presentation on the Holistic Child Centered Network (HCCN) Model, that they had developed. This happened on our second day of the expedition, and helped me to see how much work CH has done, over their twelve years in Ethiopia, to understand what children, their caregivers and communities need. 

Here is a bit about HCCN, but please click on the link here to find out more. 

Two very important components of the [HCCN] model are not written but vital to its success: “The Ethic of Care”, and “Hope”. 

Foreign volunteers bring love, knowledge, skills and hope to students as they interact together. As volunteers teach or […] share ideas, they allow students the opportunity to see the world in a different way, and to think about or hear about new ways of being. 

The main question that drives program activities and governing principles is: “What will help each child to reach their potential?” 

Laurèn with our sponsored child Mebrat.

Faven hanging out with the kids at Gindo.

Part of my personal journey is to break free from the cycle of abundant living. How little do we need to reach our potential, to be successful, to experience contentment?

In Ethiopia, as a volunteer, I am certain that I learned more from the students, their teachers, and the dedicated CH staff, than they learned from me. The students in the programs are changing their lives and the world, in ways that no one could have anticipated. There is remarkable work going on. But, it is not all beautiful, and it is definitely not easy. 

This week, I was listening to Tapestry on CBC radio. The topic, “Living in the Age of Loneliness”, struck a chord with me, as it is directly connected to money. In the developed world, we are losing touch with our nature as social beings. Individuals have become competitive, instead of cooperative; we are cashing in our reliance on each other. The desire for wealth and fame is spreading through our youth and young adults like a parasite. If you pay attention to it, it will shake you off your moorings. George Monbiot, columnist with the Guardian, writes, “Aspiration, which increases with income, ensures that the point of arrival, of sustained satisfaction, retreats before us.” This is not the future that I want for my children, and I already see it. 

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” 

― Leo Tolstoy

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” 

― Albert Einstein

“No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.”

— Robin Williams

One Looney Idea - Day One

Shedding Excess

Yes, that is me—a week old. Vulnerable and dependent. Unaware of life’s opportunities and challenges, but born into a country of relative wealth. In 1966, the average household income was, $6,900, with average house prices double that. Now, the average house costs seven times the average annual income. When I was born, gasoline cost 32 cents a GALLON; I don’t even know if my parents owned a car.

2015. Excess. Look around. What do you have  filling  your space, your life that is … dare I say … unnecessary? I have a lot. This year long challenge—to average one looney a day on “unnecessary/discretionary” items—is not completely altruistic in nature. Yes, I want to make a difference. Yes, I have seen the effects of poverty: not just in Ethiopia, also in my own childhood home. Yes, I want to be responsible with the abundance I have been given. However, I also want to hold my current habits up to the “mirror of conscious thought”, and see them for what they are.

This challenge is about habits. How long does it take to develop a new habit or break on old one? There are varying answers to this question: 21 days, 30 days, 6 weeks, 5 minutes. It comes down to motivation, which is affected by the emotion that surrounds a behaviour. We have to stop and ask: Why do we do the things we do?

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle

Your beliefs become your thoughts, 

Your thoughts become your words, 

Your words become your actions, 

Your actions become your habits, 

Your habits become your values, 

Your values become your destiny.” —Mahatma Gandhi

These 365 days of minimal spending will be hard, some might say—IMPOSSIBLE. I like “stuff”. Sometimes I even feel like I deserve stuff. I am a master at justification. Many of us participate in impulse spending; I know I am not the worst. To gain some perspective, I took a peek back at 2014. I spent an estimated $25/day, not including gifts, course work, or vacation. The top categories were: food and specialty coffee on the run—for me PLUS three or more kids,  house cleaning, clothes and home decor.  

Habit “experts” all say some variation of the same thing: start small when making a change. I am not going to do that. Starting today—January 15^th—I am going to be a responsible consumer; I am going to spend an average of one looney a day; and I am going to be a mindful role model for my kids. 

Why would I do this, when I don’t need to?
Because . . .

• At least 80% of humanity live on less than $10/day 
• About 1 in 4 people live on less than $1.25/day
• According to UNICEF, 22,000 children die each day due to poverty.  
• About 72 million children of primary school age in the developing world were not in school in 2005: 57% of them were girls.
• Less than one percent of what the world spent every year on weapons was needed to put every child into school by the year 2000 and yet it didn’t happen.
• A quarter of humanity live without electricity.
• Approximately 790 million people in the developing world are still chronically undernourished.
• A mere 12 percent of the world’s population uses 85% of its water, and these 12 percent do not live in the Third World. 

                                                                                    Poverty Facts and Stats, January 7, 2013 

Ethiopian woman carrying wood to the market. 

Ethiopian woman working in the rock quarry- all day, seven days/week.

Ethiopian girls in one of the Canadian Humanitarian projects.

The bottom line: I am going to decrease my spending to one dollar a day, AND at the same time, I am asking you to decrease your spending by one dollar a day, and earmark that dollar for Ethiopia. Over the year it is my hope to “recruit” 50 friends, family and neighbours to pledge one dollar/day to Canadian Humanitarian, in support of my challenge. 

My family and I will make a difference. However, if “I tell two friends, and you tell two friends, and so on, and so on”*, the difference that we will make TOGETHER will be astronomical! 

1 X 365 = $365 

5 X 365 = $1,825 

50 X 365 = $18,250 

Pledging is easy. On the left hand side of this blog, you will see a heading: Wendy’s Pledge Page. Click on it, and you can donate directly from there, anytime up until January 2016. Alternately, click the link here, right now—go ahead, I know you want to: Pledge Page

Amisegnalo. 

*Watch the first ten seconds of the Faberge Organics Shampoo commercial for a blast from the past: http://youtu.be/mcskckuosxQ)

Change begins with me

One Looney Idea

I was born on January 14^th, 1966. That means that THIS year, on January 15^th, I will be stepping into my fiftieth year of life. Each day will bring me closer to my 50^th birthday.

I want to do something significant this year, something that will not only be the change in my life, but will change the lives of others.

Would you like to join me?

***

On April 27^th 2006 our family arrived in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia to bring Yohannes into our family. 2016 will mark the 10th anniversary of our first trip!

Like me, you may have thought that adopting a child—from any place—was about creating a family.

It is.

However, if at the centre it’s about family, at the periphery it’s about community. Every one of us is part of a community. Ours grew beyond the borders of our living when we made the trip to Ethiopia.

            May 1, 2006

            It is shortly after 5:30 am. The sun is still neatly tucked beyond the horizon. I am awakened by the daily call to prayer. The melodic chant, initially soothing, becomes more insistent with each repetition. The loudspeaker drones on and then a chorus of creatures joins in: the commanding cry of the rooster, the howling plea of the street-dog, and the sharp squeal of the alley cat. A symphony of sonorous sound.

            Yohannes lies sleeping in his crib beside me. In time with the rhythmic tones, I catalogue his losses. Both of his parents have died. He left his village as a toddler, and travelled 800 miles to Addis. He was placed in an orphanage, and then moved to the foster home, to await our arrival. Now we are going to take him from his country. I wonder how he will survive such losses.

I am trying my best to take in the sights and smells, the culture and heritage, and the food and rituals of Ethiopia, in an effort to learn about Yohannes’ birthplace and craft a story for him. It is hard. It is not a holiday, or an adventure. It is a profoundly uncomfortable place to be, and a strange way to create family. We are becoming parents to this handsome and happy stranger.

We began a relationship with Ethiopia that we have not been able to turn our backs on. It is not like we really wanted to turn away, but life became undeniably more difficult after our first, and consecutive trips. As you may know, members of our family were in Ethiopia in ‘06, ’07, ’08, ’09, and ’13. And on the trip in 2009, our family grew again as Yohannes’ eleven-year-old birth sister Faven joined our family.

***

Our world is not an equitable place.

In Ethiopia, the majority of men, women and families build a life with less than a dollar a day. Roughly 39% of Ethiopians live below poverty (<$1.25 USD)—that is over 28 million people. The population of Canada is just over 35 million.

A dollar a day does not provide basic necessities.

Foreign aid—especially those who partner directly with Ethiopians—has been able to effect change in Ethiopia over the decades of my life.

• In 1966, the year I was born, 256 infants out of 1000 died before the age of 5. By 2012 that number had fallen to 68.
• Between 1970 and 2012, the crude death rate dropped from 21.3 per thousand to 7.8.
• During the same period, life expectancy rose from 43 to 63 years of age. 
• There have been significant advancements across the following areas: education, immunization, medical care, disease treatment and prevention, drinkable water and sanitation facilities. 

But, more needs to be done. Ethiopia is considered to be one of the most under-developed, poorest countries in the world. But, even though it is a country filled with struggle and devastation, it is built upon hope. It is a country of unparalleled beauty, from the people who are committed to helping one another and who embrace foreigners as if they are family, to the varied topography, home to an impressive array of agricultural crops and geographical phenomenon.

If I hadn’t been to Ethiopia four times, I would not be able to tell you that WE can make a difference in this country; I would not be able to tell you that CHANGE takes time; I would not be able to tell you that helping ONE individual helps a whole village; I would not be able to tell you that the organization Canadian Humanitarian is making differences that are SUSTAINABLE. Every trip that we made to Ethiopia had a component of Canadian Humanitarian in it. Here is a bit about their philosophy…

“Canadian Humanitarian decided that it needed to do something different than what was being done before.  While worthwhile, many NGO programs for children isolate one aspect of need, and only provide specialized help in one area, leaving gaps in the overall needs of a child.

We have developed our programs using Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. The pinnacle of this Hierarchy is to achieve one’s potential.  Therefore, the main question that drives program activities and governing principles is: “What will help each child to reach their potential?”

Hope in the heart of a student allows them to work hard every day to achieve their goal of succeeding at school, despite present challenges. They are able to see how they can remove themselves from the cycle of poverty.”

(http://canadianhumanitarian.com/programs/)

We all live with challenges. At this point in my life however, I am living a life that is blessed with abundance. I don’t know why we have been so fortunate. But, I do know that it doesn’t feel good to measure our abundance against the scarcity that others experience. I want to do something about it.

Would you like to join me?

***

From January 15^th, 2015 – January 14^th, 2016, I am not going to spend more than a dollar a day (average) for discretionary items.

What does that mean?

It means that I will put one loonie into my purse each day.

• If I desire a latté at a local coffee shop, or a drink after a soccer game, I will need to save for FIVE days. 
• If I want to go for my monthly breakfast with my dad, or my two friends, Joy and Wendy, I will have to save for FIVE to TEN days each time, or eat at home and drink coffee with them. J 
• If I want to put my trademark stripes in my hair, I will need to save for SEVEN days—color at home, or FIFTY days—color at a hair salon. (Easy decision)
• If I want to buy a bottle of wine, I will have to save for FIFTEEN to TWENTY days, or drink less expensive wine. (I may as well quit.)
• The habit of spontaneously purchasing snacks will have to stop, cold turkey! Sorry kids, you are back to “Mom’s snack bag” again. 
• If I want to buy "you" a birthday present I will have to save for a lot of days, so I hope that you can forgive me. (I will however, think of you, and "it's the thought that counts".)
• Every time that I want to make a purchase, I will have to stop and think.

I am going to become a thoughtful and responsible consumer, not just for a year, but for a lifetime.

I want to make a change over the next year that will be meaningful and also difficult—something that will require me to make sacrifices. When I told Ward about my idea, he said, “That sounds like a looney idea.” He is a bit of a punster, and the name for my blog was born. Faven told me that there was no way that I could do it.

What do you think?

My family is going to pledge $5.00 for every day that I succeed in this challenge. The money will go to support the programs that Canadian Humanitarian has developed in Ethiopia. The 5-1 ratio is fitting because, in 2016 our celebration is two-fold: my 50 years of life, and the 10 year anniversary of our first Ethiopia trip: 50-10. Moreover, we have 5 children in our family: Kristin, Fraser, Faven, Laurèn and Yohannes. There are also 5 children in the Ethiopian sibling group that two of our kids are a part of, and who we all have embraced: Dagim, Buzinesh, Binyam, Faven and Yohannes.

I want to be able to do this, but I also know that it is not going to be as easy as it sounds on paper. I am not afraid to admit that I have been known to use "retail therapy" to get an instant (if not lasting) high.

I am asking for your support:

1.  Read and follow my blog, and send me supportive and encouraging notes. You know, like: “Hey Wendy, just sipping a caramel latté and thinking of you. Keep up the good work.”
2. Pledge your support. If you want to support the same campaign as us, that would be great. I can assure you that it will be money that is going to make a difference to a life in Ethiopia. However, if your heart is elsewhere, make a pledge to support my Loonie idea in your own way, but please let me know.
3. Start your own “One Looney Idea” campaign, and spend (or not) right alongside of me. Get supporters of your own, and let me know how you are doing.

Thank you for your time and attention. I am looking forward to sharing this next year with you.
One caveat: Our family is going to Mexico for a week in March to participate in the wedding of Fraser Flemons and Chelsea Carter. Clearly that is not going to be done on a dollar a day.

I would like to leave you with a story that was told to me by Vern, on our most recent Ethiopian Expedition.

“Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said,
"It made a difference for that one.” 
-Loren Eiseley