Day 47 - The Minimalists

Inspiration & Joy

A year and a half ago, I was driving home listening to "The Homestretch" on CBC radio when guest-host Frank Rackow interviewed “The Minimalists”. Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus are two, thirty-something, single males who identified “lingering discontent” in their lives, despite having everything that should have made them happy. They left their six-figure incomes and extravagant lifestyles to pursue minimalism. Ryan said that minimalism is not about deprivation, but about “making room for life’s most important things” through taking back control. Joshua said, “I’m not against consumption, I’m against compulsory consumption. […] I own things that add value to my life. [I have to] be deliberate about how I’m living my life.” 

“Minimalists don’t focus on having less, less, less; rather, [they] focus on making room for more: more time, more passion, more experiences, more growth, more contribution, more contentment. More freedom. Clearing the clutter from life’s path helps us make that room.” (http://www.theminimalists.com)

As I drove home, I thought about how this thing called minimalism could work in my life. I certainly resonated with the lingering discontent, and I felt overwhelmed by all of the “things” I had to look after. However, by the time I arrived home to pets, kids, dogs and clutter—it felt impossible for me to consider minimalism. I began to stack up excuses about why I couldn’t do it. But still, I ordered, and read the book, “Everything that Remains,” by Millburn and Nicodemus. 

Purging is a favourite activity for me. However, when I purge, eventually I tend to purchase. Purge and purchase, ad nauseum.
Frank Rackow asked The Minimalists, “Is this “living with less” so that more can live with something?” That is it for me. If I have more—way more—than what I need, then by reason, a lot of people live with less than what they need. How can I deliberately live like that?

 I would like to embrace the minimalism mantra, “Addition by subtraction,” but something keeps getting in my way. 

Me. 

Millburn writes, “When I got rid of the majority of my possessions, I was forced to confront my darker side, compelled to ask questions I wasn’t prepared for: When did I give so much meaning to material possessions? What is truly important in life? Why am I discontented? Who is the person I want to become? How will I define my own success?”

Surrounding myself by busy and full creates the façade of success, and let’s face it, appearing to have it all, and keep it all together is viewed upon favourably by society. “We are led to believe that if we could only look perfect and lead perfect lives, we'd no longer feel inadequate” (Brenè Brown). Having more makes me feel something, but not what I thought it would. Within the ambitious life that has been constructed around me—I have lost myself. 

“Understand, every moth is drawn to light, even when that light is a flame, hot and burning. Flickering, the fire tantalizing the drab creature with its blueish-white illumination. But when the moth flies too close to the flame, we all know what happens: it gets burned, incinerated by the very thing that drew it near” (Everything That Remains).

Day 48 - Brené Brown

Inspiration and Joy

In the fall of 2011, I attended a psychologist-facilitated Book Club. The book that we studied to “kick off” what would become a years long supportive tool, was “The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are”, by Brené Brown. 

I had found a superhero—in every day clothing.

The book—I swear—was written with me in mind. Hustling for worthiness, and perfecting my life before revealing it to the world had become the way I lived, and struggled to live. Brené Brown writes, “Each day we face a barrage of images and messages from society and the media telling us who, what, and how we should be. We are led to believe that if we could only look perfect and lead perfect lives, we'd no longer feel inadequate.”

Perfection had been rewarded for me from a very early age. When I came home with a good test score, I couldn’t wait to tell my dad about it.

“Dad, I got 17 out of 20 on my math test,” I’d said with pride. 

“What happened to the other three questions?” he asked. 

I tried harder. In post-secondary school I achieved success beyond even my dreams. My dad was no longer around to see it--he had left us in my early teens. 

Of course I told my mom too, but her supportive response has not stuck in my memory. Life is like that, our own failings, as well as those perceived by others stick with us. My husband Ward worked for a lengthy period with a family whose mother died because of medical error, a painful tragedy. One of the daughters told him, “Long after I’ve forgotten what they [doctors] said to me, I remember how it made me feel.”

When I started working as a Respiratory Therapist at nineteen, I worked hard, and signed up for all kinds of unpaid “volunteer” opportunities to train, or to teach—to perfect my skills. I enjoyed my job, and my work ethic paid off. The harder I worked, the more work I was given. I received promotions and opportunities to work in a variety of areas in my sixteen years in healthcare. 

Parenting brought with it another opportunity for me to "study" ways to perfect my skills, so that my inadequacies could be disguised. 

“In a scarcity culture where “never enough” dominates and fear has become second nature, vulnerability is subversive. Uncomfortable. It’s even a little dangerous at times.  And, without question, putting ourselves out there means there’s a far greater risk of getting criticized and failing. But when we step back and examine our lives, we will find that nothing is as uncomfortable or dangerous as standing on the outside of our lives and wondering what it would be like if we had the courage to show up and let ourselves be seen. [...]

And the thing is, vulnerability is not about fear or grief or disappointment. It's the birthplace of everything we're hungry for—joy, faith, love, spirituality….” (Brenè Brown).

I want to be courageous.

Day 49 - My Mom

I have been inspired by my mom. And, joy is but one emotion that I have experienced in her presence. 

I grew up surrounded by music. Often with my mom playing the piano and singing. Though everyone was blessed in my family with musicality…I was not. Perhaps I can sing, but not always on key, or on the right notes. Nonetheless, I have music in me.

In my teens, my mom sang with a trio. I can’t quite remember if they had accompaniment, but let’s say they didn’t. My mom sang the high notes, the ones up above the lines on sheet music. She has a crystal clear voice that evokes emotion. Though I may not have been blessed with pitch or tone or rhythm, I can hear the notes glide through the space that separates us, and I am changed. Thank you for that gift Mom. I love you.

My sister Tobi, my mom, and me in Morocco.

Final Fifty Days

“Often, if there's something that I want to do, but somehow can't get myself to do, it's because I don't have clarity. This lack of clarity often arises from a feeling of ambivalence - I want to do something, but I don't want to do it; or I want one thing, but I also want something else that conflicts with it.”

Gretchen Rubin

My loonie idea is over, but I am not.

I am not required to tell you why I quit. It is nobody’s business, but everyone’s concern. 

Today is November 26^th. FIFTY days remain until my 50^th birthday. 

That is what I have been walking toward this whole time. As I walked, I heard stories, and people told me things because they related to the words that I put on the page. I have felt inspired by those I’ve met or read about; I’ve felt motivated by an inner desire; I’ve felt hope in a world of inequity, disadvantage, and terror. While I moved through the months toward my goal—to spend an average of a loonie a day for 365 days, while raising funds for Canadian Humanitarian—I forgot that I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder—SAD.

SAD is a type of depression that is related to a reduced level of sunlight—it begins and ends at about the same time every year. Most people with SAD have symptoms that start in the fall and continue into the winter months; their energy is sapped, and moodiness prevails. Females are more likely to develop SAD than males, as are those with depression or bipolar disorder. 

As soon as the darkness descended, I lost my clarity of purpose—and while I wanted to be the change, I also needed to withdraw. Retreating allows me to manage my resources, and give myself the “treatment” I need during this season, which includes light brite (as Yohannes calls it), walking, exercise and sleep. 

However, since “quitting” One Loonie Idea, I have been in the presence of some amazing people.

Craig Keilberger & The Kenyan Boys Choir — Free the Children

We Day Calgary 2015

Memorial service for our friend Jan Tollefson — Add Your Light

Dick & Deb Northcott — Canadian Humanitarian (CH)

Andrew Allen — Canadian Musician and CH advocate

A few things happened to me in the presence of these people. 

1) I heard stories. 

2) And I felt sad for the “story” that is happening in my life right now. 

3) But I found hope inside the truth-telling. Everyone told me that life is hard, and that the world is NOT fair. Each person shared stories of suffering—true stories—that resulted in CHANGE, even though the immediate change did not look like success. 

When we choose to be agents of change, we cannot control the outcome. Bummer. I wanted to choreograph a sequence of events that led to some grand finale. 

Within this season of my life, I am moved by people who are inspired to make a difference. Their actions create joy within me, which is an amazing feeling. 

For the next fifty days, I am going to do something simple and I want you to join me. I am going to jot a note, share a story, or post a photo or video of someone who has inspired me. And then, I am going to put a coin into my recently made “Joy Jar”. That’s it. If you are inspired too—put a coin into your own Joy Jar. At the end of fifty days, I am going to donate the money to a charity. It would be great if you could do that too, but it would also be great if you just experience joy alongside of me. 

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." Margaret Mead

One Loonie Idea - Unplugged

I am done. 

When I began One Loonie Idea on January 15th, it was because I wanted to mark my last year in the fifth decade of my life with something. I imagined myself as an agent of change. 

The changes that have occurred over these eight or nine months, are not the same ones that I envisioned going in. I wanted to be a catalyst for something magnificent. Dont’ we all. 

I love the quote by Roosevelt above. He also says that “with self discipline most anything is possible”. So, am I to assume that I have failed in this goal because I did not have self discipline? Yes. 

Of course, there is more. 

Thank you for supporting me along this journey. It has been eye-opening. My biggest support came from Yohannes. He encouraged me along the way. He checked in with me to see how many loonies I had left. He challenged me if he saw a Starbucks cup in the van. But most of all, he gave me the quiet feeling that no matter how it was going, it was okay. Super amazing kid!

Yohannes, and me in our kitchen in Ethiopia. 2006

“Often, if there's something that I want to do, but somehow can't get myself to do, it's because I don't have clarity. This lack of clarity often arises from a feeling of ambivalence - I want to do something, but I don't want to do it; or I want one thing, but I also want something else that conflicts with it.”

Gretchen Rubin