One Looney Idea: One Looney Idea

Two Years Old!

The Cost of Quality

I imagine it must have been hard for Dick and Deb Northcott, founders of Canadian Humanitarian, to lay their vision over a complicated set of unknowns in Ethiopia. However, in this case, goodness attracted amazing people. CH “believes in local solutions to local struggles. This [led them] to partner with local individuals and organizations overseas, [… whereby, they] provided tools to community members enabling them to get themselves out of poverty.” It is not just the work that is sustainable, it is the relationships. Many individuals have been with Canadian Humanitarian since its inception. It is with intention and integrity that Canadian Humanitarian cultivates relationships through their work. I am pulled toward this idea of intention, and purposeful action.

Deb and Dick with Forefathers at Sheshemene

$349 Loonies left.

During my second week of One Looney Idea I paused to think about the people I live with, particularly my kids.

Not everyone in my family likes my ideas. Take for example the time I signed the kids up for flyers. In my altered fantasy world—the place where I imagine how my ideas will pan out—it seemed like a really good one. The kids would get fresh air, and learn financial responsibility. Moreover, the confidence they would surely feel, knowing they could “make it” on their own, would propel them in new and exciting directions.

You can catch up on how that experience went on my Mumfullness blog: Flyer Fool - Flyer Fanatic - Karaoke Flyers

Relationships...cost…add value…change.

Several years ago I read, “The Five Love Languages”, by Gary Chapman. It answers the question: What makes you feel loved? Chapman says there are five predominant “Love Languages”:

Words of Affirmation: This language uses words to affirm other people.

Acts of Service: For these people, actions speak louder than words.

Receiving Gifts: For some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift.

Quality Time: This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention.

Physical Touch: To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch.

How can I fulfill my goal in One Looney Idea while attending to my key relationships? One way is to understand my kids love languages, and then—be creative, flexible, and intentional.

My girls share the love language of: receiving gifts. They differ in where the gift comes from: either home-made or store-bought. Gift-giving is varied, and according to Chapman it’s not about materialism. He says, “the receiver of the gift thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift.” I’m not sure I wholly buy that.

Let’s take Laurèn. Right now, many of my gifts are delivered as items of food. She is a somewhat picky eater, and I take effort to make (healthy) meals, shakes, cookies, muffins, protein bars and granola bars that she will eat. I think she accepts these offerings as the gifts I intend them to be. It costs me time, and occasional anxiety. Moreover, her other top love language is Quality time, which is also one of my top two!

Faven is complicated. I am not completely sure that she has unpacked; when someone is adopted at an older age, they don’t entirely reveal themselves. Especially if, like Faven, there are trust issues. My confidence grasping Faven’s love language is less than with my other two children. Therefore, it requires more guessing, and scrambling on my part. I do know that she loves to receive gifts, stop for specialty coffee, and go out for meals. She takes it as a personal affront when I come home with items for anyone else in the house—even if it is underwear. When she does receive a gift, it is hard to tell if she “thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift”, if it gives her a sense of belonging, or if she feels entitled to it.

According to one of my writing HEROES, Brené Brown, every human is wired for love and belonging, however, “because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” (Daring Greatly)

Our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.

I am caught between a rock and a hard place. The temptation to buy love through gift giving, is high. But, my gut feeling tells me it is not a sustainable way to create connection.

There are times when I need to creatively connect with one of my kids. I have many tools in my parenting toolbox, but sometimes, with Faven, I can’t pound, scrape, or saw into the wall she has erected to protect herself. It is those times when I need to disarm her with kindness, and that may involve more than one loonie.

Having said that, I am going to create habits that are sustainable long past this 365 days. Heck, I already have a ton! Moreover, if I do end up spending more than an average of a loonie a day, I am going to be purposeful about my actions.

You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity. -Epicurus