14 - Serendipity, Melissa Fay Greene

In April 2006, we met Haregewoin Teffera on the steps of an orphanage in Addis Ababa. Ward and I, along with his two oldest children Kristin and Fraser, had traveled to Ethiopia to bring our adopted two-year-old son Yohannes into our family. Haregewoin, the house-mother, greeted us with the traditional three-cheek kiss. She was short and stout, and had a commanding presence. She called to the caregivers in crisp Amharic, issuing commands that resulted in mini-flurries of activity: a noisy child quickly removed, an unexpected mess suddenly swept up. When she smiled, her ample cheeks rose, overtaking the sagging flesh draped under her wrinkled eyes. After exchanging a few pleasantries, Kristin and Fraser went to explore, and Ward clicked the camera on, and continued to record this journey. I lingered on the porch, my arms protectively encircling Yohannes as he perched on my hip. I hadn’t been keen on visiting the orphanage, worried about how it would affect Yohannes. His tiny fist clenched the fabric of my T-shirt at the back of my neck. He placed the golden cross that hung on my necklace, into his mouth. His legs gripped my hips with surprising force. His deep brown eyes gazed into the distance; his face lacked expression or movement; and his Amharic gibberish was absent. “What are you thinking?” I wondered, and placed my lips on his forehead. Haregewoin remained by our side. Eventually, Yohannes wiggled out of my arms and tottered across the courtyard. I turned to go after him when Haregewoin leaned toward me, and said, “There is a sister, you know.”

Wendy, Yohannes, Haregewoin Teferra

Yohannes and Faven in Ethiopia, 2006.

In the fall of 2006 Ward’s oldest daughter Kristin started post-secondary studies at University of Calgary. Late one night I opened an e-mail from her with the subject line: Recognize Her?! In the text of the e-mail Kristin revealed the release of a book called, “There is No Me Without You: One Woman’s Odyssey to Rescue Her Country’s Children”, by Melissa Fay Greene. I clicked on the link to the book, which detailed the life of Haregewoin Teffera. 

Serendipity is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as the occurrence and development of events by chance in a satisfactory or beneficial way. 

  Curious about the author, I found Melissa's website, and started randomly clicking sections—she worked as a journalist and award-winning writer in Atlanta, Georgia, she had adopted children from Bulgaria and Ethiopia, and she had four biological children. I saw a section called, “Family Pictures”, organized by name of the child. I clicked on Molly, the eldest child. As if watching a slide show at a wedding where I knew very few people, I quickly scanned down the page. Then I saw the huge, sad eyes of my son Yohannes looking up into the camera lens. He sat on Molly’s knee gripping  her arm tightly; she smiled toward someone else, off to the side. November of 2005—days before Yohannes was referred to our family and moved from the orphanage to the foster home. An electric energy discharged into the hairs on my arms, and brought tears to my eyes. There was something surreal about seeing our child in his former life. I ordered two copies of the book.  
I e-mailed Melissa Fay Greene to let her and Molly know we had adopted Yohannes, and he lived in Calgary; I attached several pictures. Thrilled to hear the news, Melissa later shared the story about Yohannes on a writer’s blog for Powell’s books. 
I began to read her book, and despite its intensity and heart break I could not put it down. It simultaneously revealed the crisis Ethiopians faced every day, and the skeleton of the journey that Yohannes and Faven had taken to the orphanage in Addis.  

Molly and Yohannes, in November 2005.

Yohannes--referral picture to our family. November, 2005.

Some months later, I sent Melissa an e-mail entitled, “Part Two: Yohannes’ sister”. Melissa had visited the orphanages many times doing research for her book, and I wondered if she knew Yohannes’ sister. Two days later, I got a response from Melissa, and I sent her some pictures from our trip. 

“Oh my God Wendy, it’s Faven!!!” wrote Melissa. “We know her and we LOVE her.  My eighteen-year-old son Lee, who spent four months in Addis this past spring and summer, always talked about her. Would you believe I wrote a short article about her???” She sent me pictures of Faven with her son Lee, who organized an inter-orphanage soccer league in which Faven played. 

Serendipity is not just a matter of random events.

Ward and I filed the first round of adoption papers for Faven in October of 2006. She did not join our family until September 2009. Waiting was hard; being in Ethiopia had changed and challenged me. I needed to do more to make a difference. I pushed the idea of a fundraiser around in my head. My life felt pretty busy with two toddlers—Laurèn (4 y.o.) and Yohannes (3 y.o.). I decided to ask Melissa if she would come to Calgary and speak at the “event”; I told myself that if she agreed, I would proceed. She agreed, and together with five other women, we planned a large-scale event. 

Having Melissa Fay Greene come to Calgary, made me feel like a school-girl meeting her superhero. I had assigned myself the task of attending to Melissa for the few days that she would be in town. I picked her up at the airport with Kristin and Yohannes in tow, Laurèn had gotten sick with a bad cold, so stayed home with Ward. Melissa, appearing taller than I had imagined, strode over to us, and we exchanged warm hugs. We drove to her hotel, and spent the next couple of hours talking and playing. I glimpsed the easy nature that she had with children, the one I envisioned while reading about her interactions with children in Ethiopia. 

A woman in our organizing group planned media for our event, and the event sold-out. Melissa had three media events. I accompanied her to the two televised events, watching with awe, from just off-stage. The hero-cape that I envisioned on her back, glided with dance-like ease. I followed, studying her movements, and hoped for the grace and compassion that I witnessed in her to morph over to me. Over the days we spent together, I found out that she was an amazing, but also ordinary woman. Intelligent, and humble. Warm, and compassionate. Funny, and honest. Moved by a story, like me.

I would “follow” Melissa for years. When things got challenging in our house, I turned to Melissa’s blog, and books to garner new strength. Melissa, like any adoptive family, had unique struggles. I know, from her honest and often humorous accounts, that some things created huge challenge. Knowing that another mother could cope, provided me with inspiration and perspective—to keep going.