“Often, if there's something that I want to do, but somehow can't get myself to do, it's because I don't have clarity. This lack of clarity often arises from a feeling of ambivalence - I want to do something, but I don't want to do it; or I want one thing, but I also want something else that conflicts with it.”
Gretchen Rubin
My loonie idea is over, but I am not.
I am not required to tell you why I quit. It is nobody’s business, but everyone’s concern.
Today is November 26th. FIFTY days remain until my 50th birthday.
That is what I have been walking toward this whole time. As I walked, I heard stories, and people told me things because they related to the words that I put on the page. I have felt inspired by those I’ve met or read about; I’ve felt motivated by an inner desire; I’ve felt hope in a world of inequity, disadvantage, and terror. While I moved through the months toward my goal—to spend an average of a loonie a day for 365 days, while raising funds for Canadian Humanitarian—I forgot that I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder—SAD.
SAD is a type of depression that is related to a reduced level of sunlight—it begins and ends at about the same time every year. Most people with SAD have symptoms that start in the fall and continue into the winter months; their energy is sapped, and moodiness prevails. Females are more likely to develop SAD than males, as are those with depression or bipolar disorder.
As soon as the darkness descended, I lost my clarity of purpose—and while I wanted to be the change, I also needed to withdraw. Retreating allows me to manage my resources, and give myself the “treatment” I need during this season, which includes light brite (as Yohannes calls it), walking, exercise and sleep.
However, since “quitting” One Loonie Idea, I have been in the presence of some amazing people.
Memorial service for our friend Jan Tollefson — Add Your Light
Dick & Deb Northcott — Canadian Humanitarian (CH)
Andrew Allen — Canadian Musician and CH advocate
A few things happened to me in the presence of these people.
1) I heard stories.
2) And I felt sad for the “story” that is happening in my life right now.
3) But I found hope inside the truth-telling. Everyone told me that life is hard, and that the world is NOT fair. Each person shared stories of suffering—true stories—that resulted in CHANGE, even though the immediate change did not look like success.
When we choose to be agents of change, we cannot control the outcome. Bummer. I wanted to choreograph a sequence of events that led to some grand finale.
Within this season of my life, I am moved by people who are inspired to make a difference. Their actions create joy within me, which is an amazing feeling.
For the next fifty days, I am going to do something simple and I want you to join me. I am going to jot a note, share a story, or post a photo or video of someone who has inspired me. And then, I am going to put a coin into my recently made “Joy Jar”. That’s it. If you are inspired too—put a coin into your own Joy Jar. At the end of fifty days, I am going to donate the money to a charity. It would be great if you could do that too, but it would also be great if you just experience joy alongside of me.
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." Margaret Mead
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